


This is How Supervillains Are Made

by Wordstreamer



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Gen, because the vulture is awful, canon-typical harassment and profanity, very brief appearances from other characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 01:00:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14124729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wordstreamer/pseuds/Wordstreamer
Summary: Prompt: Superhero/Supervillain AU.





	This is How Supervillains Are Made

They never say it in public, at least not when they’re in uniform.  They even have to be pretty careful about what they say at the station, since you never know who might be listening in.  But it’s an open secret among most of the NYPD:

“The Vulture is the worst!” Amy moans.

It wouldn’t be as annoying if he actually did he work he takes credit for.  And it’s possible that he does; maybe he _just happens_ to do the work at the same pace as whatever luckless detective has his case, arriving just before them because he doesn’t have to mobilize an entire squad of people.  There’s certainly no leak in the police department that gets him the relevant case information and lets him swoop in to apprehend a dangerous criminal, worm a confession out of them, etc, etc.

“This guy couldn’t stop confessing once the Vulture showed up.  Only reason he stopped was so they could get a selfie together,” Jake says.   It does _not_ help that Gina had stepped in with tips to make the selfie more flattering, derailing the interrogation even further.

You spend hours with a creep, trying to get them to open up, and then in walks the Vulture with his billowing coat, manages to get them to confess to things from kindergarten.  Ugh. 

The NYPD’s official policy on the Vulture—on superheroes—is that as long as they don’t violate the law, they’re fine.  If he started kidnapping random civilians, that’d be different.  Unfortunately, it’s all too common to hear about how some vicious perp that’d been hiding for weeks came right out as soon as the Vulture started looking for them.

Even that might not be quite as annoying if he wasn’t an asshole.

“Detective Peralta,” the Vulture says, walking Julian Hops into the station.  “Look what I found while you were sitting on your big ass.”  He hands Hops over to one of the uniformed officers, letting them check Hops in.

“While I was doing my job?” Jake asks.

“What exactly is your job?  Thought it was supposed to be catching bad guys.”

“Vulture,” says Captain Holt, which is really for the best, since all Jake had was something about how _he_ needs to have more evidence before he can arrest someone, since most perps don’t just wander up to the nearest detective to offer up their confession in neat little words.  He still hasn’t figured out how to put a snappy turn on that.  “The NYPD appreciates your assistance as much as ever.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet you do,” says the Vulture.  “I don’t know how you turds would get anything done around here without me.”

“Police work,” says Holt, “was truly revolutionized by your appearance.”

Even on the days that the Vulture doesn’t show up to antagonize anyone in their precinct, they can still feel his presence.

“Ooh, Rosa,” calls Gina.  “Heard the Vulture did a press conference today about that jewel thief.”

“Bagliardi?” Rosa asks.  “The one who stole millions in diamonds and I was in the middle of arresting him when the Vulture showed up?”

“Mm-hmm, yeah.  He name-dropped you.”

“Ugh.” 

Between Rosa’s weird attraction to the Vulture—which he can probably sense somehow—and the Vulture’s creepy fascination with Jake—specifically Jake’s ass—it’s not a surprise to hear that the 99th precinct is the one that’s been specially assigned to work with the Vulture. 

“This is how supervillains are made,” Jake says with a shudder.


End file.
